Wouldn’t It Be Great If The World (and Torah) Was Warm And Fuzzy?
by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
As in previous years, the articles that precede Areivim’s Annual Dinner, (which will be held this December 3rd, Motzei Shabbos, at Ateres Charna.) while staying true to their Chinuch Mission, will highlight Areivim’s core values, and its approach to working with teenagers and young adults.
Many mentors and organizations are warm, loving, and all-giving. They accept, and encourage, their mentees to stay up late, at night events, even if it may mean they’ll be coming late to Yeshiva or work the next day. (“Don’t worry, you’re only young once”, or “you’re right, the boss isn’t being fair.”) To ensure that the mentees, who often lack self-esteem, don’t “fall apart”, they console them with soothing words which offer immediate help, but plant self-absorbing seeds that may hurt them in the future.
There are many groups in Yiddishkeit who promote a loving Hashem (true), who loves all of Klal Yisroel (true again), who always forgives (usually true), and only wants everyone to feel good about themselves (not so true).
I’d like to offer my perspective, and understanding, of the relationship, and the boundaries, between feeling good, and acknowledging people’s responsibility to follow a disciplined lifestyle, which is as concerned with doing what’s right as it is with feeling good about being Frum.
My message is timely as it offers an understanding of what appears to be a conflict between the Avos, as to what’s the correct way to serve Hashem. Avrohom chose Chesed, (kindness to people), Yitzchok chose Din, (a life of judgement from Hashem), and Yaakov chose Emes, (a balance between the preceding two approaches). Each of the Avos played his role in a project that spanned three lifetimes.
Avrohom introduced Hashem to the people of the world. It was their first impression of Hashem. When people are first introduced to anything new, they often “zone” into one aspect, and are unwilling, and sometimes incapable, of seeing the complexity of whatever they’re observing. If they focus on something that makes them uncomfortable, they’ll “turn away”. Therefore, the first impression must be presented in a thought through manner, and have broad appeal.
Marketing companies are aware that people will purchase products because of a single quality, often as superficial as their color, shape, or “coolness” factor. They, then, market their products to the consumer with that single quality instead of the product’s overall qualities.
Avrohom presented Hashem to the world from the appealing angle of kindness. Avrohom’s personal life was more demanding, disciplined, and structured. He learned Halacha, as is clear from multiple Gemoros (Avrohom kept the laws of Eiruv Tavshilin, and his Mesechtas Avoda Zoro was 400 Perokim long)
After Avrohom introduced the people to Hashem, Yitzchok followed with Din. When I was younger, I understood the difference between Avrohom and Yitzchok to be one of personality, personal preferences, and a son who saw things differently from his father. I, now, believe that was a mistake.
I’d like to introduce their different approaches based on incidents which happen every day in Frum communities. Some teenagers will leave Yiddishkeit, and take a personal journey, often for several years, trying to “find themselves”. After a few years they usually come back. When they do, many of them will choose a form of Yiddishkeit which focuses on serving Hashem based on what makes them feel good, instead of focusing on what Hashem wants.
They may daven after the Z’man and, they believe, that Hashem still wants their Tefillos because they Daven longer than the average person. They may fail to keep their commitments to others, but “Boruch Hashem” they found their way out of their mistake by convincing themselves that it was all Hashem’s decision, hence the constant repetition of Boruch Hashem, instead of acknowledging that it was their negligence. Such a response is good, and a positive first step in seeing the aspect of Hashem which is Chesed, and who loves every Jew.
After a year or two at the “B”H” and “Hashem loves me” stage, most of them will realize their responsibility to be accountable to Hashem, and they begin their journey towards a Torah based understanding, even if it doesn’t make them feel good when they’re doing it. This second stage is an important stepping stone towards the final stage.
Sadly, some of them never leave the second stage, and insist on oversimplifying their responsibilities to Hashem, by reassuring themselves that Hashem knows they love Him. They remain as children, unwilling to acknowledge their responsibility towards lifelong, spiritual growth.
Avrohom introduced Hashem through His Chesed to people. Yitzchok, relied on the fact that people were already comfortable with Hashem’s existence, and introduced them to the second stage. Although Hashem is kind, He’s also demanding, and rewards and punishes. It was only after each concept, Chesed and Din, was introduced independently, was the world ready for Yaakov Avinu’s message of balance.
Areivim’s staff is aware that those who return require love for a significant period of time. They also know that, at some point, they need for them to grow beyond seeing Hashem only as one who does Chesed, and acknowledge that Hashem is also one who does Din. They must conform to what Hashem wants of them, even if it may not make them feel good at that moment. There are Halachos that must be followed to a ”tee”. There’s reward, but there’s also punishment. There’s a way to do things right, and there’s also a way to do things wrong.
There are events that take place in people’s lives, that they may not have wanted, but for which they should still say Boruch Hashem. There may be other events that they didn’t want to happen, for which the response shouldn’t be Boruch Hashem. In this situation, they should acknowledge that, through their free will, they did something which Hashem didn’t want to happen. They must apologize to him, fix what they’ve done, and learn from that experience.
Many mentors and organizations are warm, loving, and all-giving. They accept, and encourage, their mentees to stay up late, at night events, even if it may mean they’ll be coming late to Yeshiva or work the next day. (“Don’t worry, you’re only young once”, or “you’re right, the boss isn’t being fair.”) To ensure that the mentees, who often lack self-esteem, don’t “fall apart”, they console them with soothing words which offer immediate help, but plant self-absorbing seeds that may hurt them in the future.
There are many groups in Yiddishkeit who promote a loving Hashem (true), who loves all of Klal Yisroel (true again), who always forgives (usually true), and only wants everyone to feel good about themselves (not so true).
I’d like to offer my perspective, and understanding, of the relationship, and the boundaries, between feeling good, and acknowledging people’s responsibility to follow a disciplined lifestyle, which is as concerned with doing what’s right as it is with feeling good about being Frum.
My message is timely as it offers an understanding of what appears to be a conflict between the Avos, as to what’s the correct way to serve Hashem. Avrohom chose Chesed, (kindness to people), Yitzchok chose Din, (a life of judgement from Hashem), and Yaakov chose Emes, (a balance between the preceding two approaches). Each of the Avos played his role in a project that spanned three lifetimes.
Avrohom introduced Hashem to the people of the world. It was their first impression of Hashem. When people are first introduced to anything new, they often “zone” into one aspect, and are unwilling, and sometimes incapable, of seeing the complexity of whatever they’re observing. If they focus on something that makes them uncomfortable, they’ll “turn away”. Therefore, the first impression must be presented in a thought through manner, and have broad appeal.
Marketing companies are aware that people will purchase products because of a single quality, often as superficial as their color, shape, or “coolness” factor. They, then, market their products to the consumer with that single quality instead of the product’s overall qualities.
Avrohom presented Hashem to the world from the appealing angle of kindness. Avrohom’s personal life was more demanding, disciplined, and structured. He learned Halacha, as is clear from multiple Gemoros (Avrohom kept the laws of Eiruv Tavshilin, and his Mesechtas Avoda Zoro was 400 Perokim long)
After Avrohom introduced the people to Hashem, Yitzchok followed with Din. When I was younger, I understood the difference between Avrohom and Yitzchok to be one of personality, personal preferences, and a son who saw things differently from his father. I, now, believe that was a mistake.
I’d like to introduce their different approaches based on incidents which happen every day in Frum communities. Some teenagers will leave Yiddishkeit, and take a personal journey, often for several years, trying to “find themselves”. After a few years they usually come back. When they do, many of them will choose a form of Yiddishkeit which focuses on serving Hashem based on what makes them feel good, instead of focusing on what Hashem wants.
They may daven after the Z’man and, they believe, that Hashem still wants their Tefillos because they Daven longer than the average person. They may fail to keep their commitments to others, but “Boruch Hashem” they found their way out of their mistake by convincing themselves that it was all Hashem’s decision, hence the constant repetition of Boruch Hashem, instead of acknowledging that it was their negligence. Such a response is good, and a positive first step in seeing the aspect of Hashem which is Chesed, and who loves every Jew.
After a year or two at the “B”H” and “Hashem loves me” stage, most of them will realize their responsibility to be accountable to Hashem, and they begin their journey towards a Torah based understanding, even if it doesn’t make them feel good when they’re doing it. This second stage is an important stepping stone towards the final stage.
Sadly, some of them never leave the second stage, and insist on oversimplifying their responsibilities to Hashem, by reassuring themselves that Hashem knows they love Him. They remain as children, unwilling to acknowledge their responsibility towards lifelong, spiritual growth.
Avrohom introduced Hashem through His Chesed to people. Yitzchok, relied on the fact that people were already comfortable with Hashem’s existence, and introduced them to the second stage. Although Hashem is kind, He’s also demanding, and rewards and punishes. It was only after each concept, Chesed and Din, was introduced independently, was the world ready for Yaakov Avinu’s message of balance.
Areivim’s staff is aware that those who return require love for a significant period of time. They also know that, at some point, they need for them to grow beyond seeing Hashem only as one who does Chesed, and acknowledge that Hashem is also one who does Din. They must conform to what Hashem wants of them, even if it may not make them feel good at that moment. There are Halachos that must be followed to a ”tee”. There’s reward, but there’s also punishment. There’s a way to do things right, and there’s also a way to do things wrong.
There are events that take place in people’s lives, that they may not have wanted, but for which they should still say Boruch Hashem. There may be other events that they didn’t want to happen, for which the response shouldn’t be Boruch Hashem. In this situation, they should acknowledge that, through their free will, they did something which Hashem didn’t want to happen. They must apologize to him, fix what they’ve done, and learn from that experience.
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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