why areivim deserves your support, by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
I’m sitting across from a young couple. They want “out”. They’re married for less than two years, and sometimes for only a few months. Both of them claim, and sincerely believe, that they’ve tried their best. They both believe nothing can be done to improve their marriage. They just want out.
In many cases, they’re both healthy, without any negative diagnoses, or handicaps, and nothing about them would’ve hinted at a failed marriage. However, their marriage, and their lives, are crumbling.
Before I begin to analyze this situation for you, you should be aware that experiencing this scenario is heart wrenching, and trying to help so many couples is hard to do. Since I’ve married children of my own, I’m always terrified of this possibility. I feel terrible for the couples, their parents, and, in many cases, their child(ren).
One aspect of this disintegrating marriage is that these two people were often at risk, and everyone was excited when they stopped being angry, “returned”, held jobs, went back to school, married, and settled down. However, shortly after they married it became clear that the excitement was an illusion. The couple’s individual achievements were a mirage. Their success was a failure. Yes, they did better than many others, but the “better” couldn’t translate into long term success. It was little more than a passing fad.
I’m speaking critically, because I strongly believe that the mentoring community could have approached this couple when they were mentees and done things differently. Approaching it differently could’ve spelled success, instead of failure.
In the past, mentors were looked at as adults that never grew up. Today, this has changed, as everyone wants to be a social worker, life coach, or a “plain” old mentor. People “run” for the opportunity to become even one teens hero.
As in other fields of study and work, some people are more gifted than others. Many people will, initially, simplify the goal and, therefore, the process. Some will eventually learn how complex is the process of supporting personal growth. Others will remain on a simplistic level, and be satisfied with minor, and superficial, changes.
Areivim’s staff constantly monitors its approach to determine whether it’s the most effective and, if it’s not, what it must do to become more effective, even if it’ll require a complete change in its mission. There’s been a significant change in our approach, which became necessary by recent changes in our community.
While Areivim’s staff can still be seen “on the street”, we’re now less visible. Some people have even questioned whether Areivim should still be called a teen at risk organization. Less outreach is a deliberate decision. I get a sense that many people would like to see Areivim on the street more often, and I understand it. The street is a high profile area. The street gives a mentor instant gratification. The street is where mentors flock.
My response to the question of why we don’t do more outreach may make me sound like an old man. I’d apologize, but I’m confident that in just a few years the majority of Mechanchim, and community leaders, will adopt our approach as their own.
My heart aches when I see couples divorce. I’m also frustrated, when a marriage has “given up” on ever being happy, although they may not be considering divorce. Many of these unhappy couples have had mentors, Rabbeim, caring parents, and were given enough attention to keep them in school, quiet, and from further deterioration. However, they weren’t given enough attention to succeed in life.
The partial attention given to them allowed them to appear as if they had the skills needed for life. It was enough to prepare them for failure.
The truth is that Areivim can’t save the world, or maybe it can, but not by itself. The only possible way it can make the next generation happier, and more adjusted, is by creating enough healthy people, so that they can make others healthy. In other words, if Areivim helps ten people become fully healthy; each one will, then, make another ten people healthy. Then, Areivim will have 110 healthy people.
However, if Areivim makes 100 people only half healthy, as those 100 people’s lives become increasingly complex by careers, marriages, and children, the number of half “healthies” will drop from100, to 90, 80, etc.
It’s fun to “carry” teenagers during their first few, positive, steps, but it takes professionals like Areivim to change them into Frum young adults who can hold jobs, and Daven at the correct times. Areivim shapes them into healthy adults, spouses, and parents. Anything less is failure.
Areivim’s understanding of the at-risk mind and, therefore, its response to it, has always been a step ahead of the traditional mentor/Mechanech. Today, Areivim pleads with those in the teen crisis industry to adjust their approach, and not wait for the divorce rate, or the number of people with serious diagnoses, to exponentially increase.
Donations to Areivim are used to support the emotionally ill, increase Torah study, and Sholom Bayis Areivim turns them into healthy people, many of whom become committed to a torah lifestyle. These are our goals; they’re the tools of our trade. Our Dinner is only one week away. I ask you to support the organization which is doing everything it can to make the next generation healthier, happier, and stronger. You can still join us in person, or by donating. Partner with Areivim, and be a part of the movement that’ll make your children proud of you, and you, proud of the
In many cases, they’re both healthy, without any negative diagnoses, or handicaps, and nothing about them would’ve hinted at a failed marriage. However, their marriage, and their lives, are crumbling.
Before I begin to analyze this situation for you, you should be aware that experiencing this scenario is heart wrenching, and trying to help so many couples is hard to do. Since I’ve married children of my own, I’m always terrified of this possibility. I feel terrible for the couples, their parents, and, in many cases, their child(ren).
One aspect of this disintegrating marriage is that these two people were often at risk, and everyone was excited when they stopped being angry, “returned”, held jobs, went back to school, married, and settled down. However, shortly after they married it became clear that the excitement was an illusion. The couple’s individual achievements were a mirage. Their success was a failure. Yes, they did better than many others, but the “better” couldn’t translate into long term success. It was little more than a passing fad.
I’m speaking critically, because I strongly believe that the mentoring community could have approached this couple when they were mentees and done things differently. Approaching it differently could’ve spelled success, instead of failure.
In the past, mentors were looked at as adults that never grew up. Today, this has changed, as everyone wants to be a social worker, life coach, or a “plain” old mentor. People “run” for the opportunity to become even one teens hero.
As in other fields of study and work, some people are more gifted than others. Many people will, initially, simplify the goal and, therefore, the process. Some will eventually learn how complex is the process of supporting personal growth. Others will remain on a simplistic level, and be satisfied with minor, and superficial, changes.
Areivim’s staff constantly monitors its approach to determine whether it’s the most effective and, if it’s not, what it must do to become more effective, even if it’ll require a complete change in its mission. There’s been a significant change in our approach, which became necessary by recent changes in our community.
While Areivim’s staff can still be seen “on the street”, we’re now less visible. Some people have even questioned whether Areivim should still be called a teen at risk organization. Less outreach is a deliberate decision. I get a sense that many people would like to see Areivim on the street more often, and I understand it. The street is a high profile area. The street gives a mentor instant gratification. The street is where mentors flock.
My response to the question of why we don’t do more outreach may make me sound like an old man. I’d apologize, but I’m confident that in just a few years the majority of Mechanchim, and community leaders, will adopt our approach as their own.
My heart aches when I see couples divorce. I’m also frustrated, when a marriage has “given up” on ever being happy, although they may not be considering divorce. Many of these unhappy couples have had mentors, Rabbeim, caring parents, and were given enough attention to keep them in school, quiet, and from further deterioration. However, they weren’t given enough attention to succeed in life.
The partial attention given to them allowed them to appear as if they had the skills needed for life. It was enough to prepare them for failure.
The truth is that Areivim can’t save the world, or maybe it can, but not by itself. The only possible way it can make the next generation happier, and more adjusted, is by creating enough healthy people, so that they can make others healthy. In other words, if Areivim helps ten people become fully healthy; each one will, then, make another ten people healthy. Then, Areivim will have 110 healthy people.
However, if Areivim makes 100 people only half healthy, as those 100 people’s lives become increasingly complex by careers, marriages, and children, the number of half “healthies” will drop from100, to 90, 80, etc.
It’s fun to “carry” teenagers during their first few, positive, steps, but it takes professionals like Areivim to change them into Frum young adults who can hold jobs, and Daven at the correct times. Areivim shapes them into healthy adults, spouses, and parents. Anything less is failure.
Areivim’s understanding of the at-risk mind and, therefore, its response to it, has always been a step ahead of the traditional mentor/Mechanech. Today, Areivim pleads with those in the teen crisis industry to adjust their approach, and not wait for the divorce rate, or the number of people with serious diagnoses, to exponentially increase.
Donations to Areivim are used to support the emotionally ill, increase Torah study, and Sholom Bayis Areivim turns them into healthy people, many of whom become committed to a torah lifestyle. These are our goals; they’re the tools of our trade. Our Dinner is only one week away. I ask you to support the organization which is doing everything it can to make the next generation healthier, happier, and stronger. You can still join us in person, or by donating. Partner with Areivim, and be a part of the movement that’ll make your children proud of you, and you, proud of the
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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