tunnel vision, by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
People who are focused have the ability to direct their attention towards areas that are relevant to any issue at hand. If they need to get to a wedding at a certain time, they can focus on who’s coming in the car with them, confirm that there’s enough gas, and the amount of traffic they could expect. People who are unable to focus, become distracted with unrelated phone calls, and will take longer to dress than time allows.
People with tunnel vision believe that they’re focused, but they aren’t. Instead of considering the few relevant areas that are needed to get to the wedding on time, they focus on a single area, ignore the other relevant ones, and believe that anyone who focuses on the other relevant areas aren’t focused. They’ll only consider their need to get to the wedding, and ignore the people who they promised to take with them. When other people insist on taking those people into account, the person with tunnel vision considers them to be either distracted, or bringing up unrelated factors for selfish reasons.
People with tunnel vision, may believe that they’re focused, while those people who live with truly focused people may consider them to have tunnel vision (so that they can ignore their advice). I’d like to discuss some differences between the two, in order to help people recognize the difference between them.
Most people with tunnel vision are sincere, but aren’t able to incorporate many “moving parts” at one time. Such people need to be gently reminded of any additional moving parts. These people aren’t the subjects of this article. This article focuses on those people who, consciously, or subconsciously, choose to have tunnel vision for personal gain.
1) I believe that many people with tunnel vision are self-absorbed. By choosing what they consider important, they’re able to choose which Mitzvohs to fulfill, which tasks to do, and even things as simple as which foods to eat. The Mitzvohs they choose, are chosen because they make them comfortable. They, disregard Mitzvohs that make them uncomfortable. While they may have a logical reason for choosing the foods that they eat, nevertheless, they eat them because they want to eat them.
For example, someone may decide that s/he can spend as much as s/he wants for Kovod Shabbos (respecting Shabbos), since our Chachomim tell us that money spent for Shabbos doesn’t “cost” people. This money is given to them in addition to whatever was allocated to them on the previous Rosh Hashono. However, these people do it with a subtle arrogance, as if they understand more than most what Kovod Shabbos is, and that they have more faith than others in the words of our Chachomim.
What makes this attitude tunnel vision, is that these people won’t, sufficiently, help their family prepare for Shabbos, or help cleanup afterwards. More importantly, they won’t be concerned about whether their decisions will make their spouse happy, or not, throughout Shabbos. They’ll insist that wine is an integral part of Oneg Shabbos, (enjoying the Shabbos), and they’ll drink on Shabbos, ignoring the fact that doing this will cause their spouse to be in a bad mood throughout Shabbos. They’re unable to see that their actions, which were done in the name of Kovod Shabbos, are not doing Kovod Shabbos.
While most people are inconsistent in other areas of their lives (e.g. respecting Davening but speaking Loshon Horo, etc.), these two Mitzvohs are unrelated. Inconsistency in unrelated areas is often due to a lack of perfection, but it’s not a lack of sincerity. Claiming to care about Shabbos, but only in an area in which the person takes pleasure, is an inconsistency which is dishonest, and isn’t the sign of a person who’s a “work in progress”.
2) Some people with tunnel vision ignore the many other relevant factors, as a means of manipulation. It’s difficult to argue with a person whose opinion is (so called) rooted in Torah, and our Chachomim. By picking, and choosing, on what to focus, they’re able to manipulate others to agree with whatever they want, since almost anything that they want can be (even if incorrectly), supported by some Gemoro, or something similar. This is particularly true, and insensitive, when husbands quote Torah to their wives, who have no way of knowing what is, and isn’t, genuine Daas Torah.
3) There are people who don’t intend to have tunnel vision, but overlook the intangible aspects within the decision process. I’ve found that many people have a difficult time noticing the intangibles on their own. For example, some people may want their house to be constantly clean. In concept, it’s difficult to argue with this. Nevertheless, keeping a house too clean when there are little children around, can cause significant stress to the parents and children. The children are always being instructed to be careful, and to put things away. They may not even notice their intangible stress.
When intangible components, such as stress, are pointed out to sincere people, they embrace them, and broaden their focus to include them in their decisions. Those who aren’t sincere, will downplay them, or demand that the people not be stressed, since they’re doing what’s right.
People who argue with the need to incorporate intangible factors, are usually those who are insincere, and agenda based. For example, someone who spends money in honor of Shabbos, but refuses to recognize that his/her spouse becomes nervous because of their lack of money, especially when the husband controls her allowance in other areas, and often complains about the lack of money. While it’s true that the Halacha of spending money for Shabbos isn’t concerned with her nervousness, the Halachas of Kovod Shabbos and Sholom Bayis are concerned with her feelings.
4) There’s another explanation for tunnel vision. Some people can’t believe that others won’t always agree with them. When something makes sense to them they truly believe that “it must be right”. Although most people who are certain about something, would like to believe that they can’t be wrong,” deep down”, they’re aware that they may be wrong.
When people try to decide whether they’re truly focused or have tunnel vision, they should self-reflect by considering the following: Whenever people try to improve their Midos (character), they should consider how other people will interpret their actions. If other people are constantly critical of them then, even if they’ve changed, they should assume that they haven’t changed enough. All they’ve done is to exchange one fault for another.
People with tunnel vision believe that they’re focused, but they aren’t. Instead of considering the few relevant areas that are needed to get to the wedding on time, they focus on a single area, ignore the other relevant ones, and believe that anyone who focuses on the other relevant areas aren’t focused. They’ll only consider their need to get to the wedding, and ignore the people who they promised to take with them. When other people insist on taking those people into account, the person with tunnel vision considers them to be either distracted, or bringing up unrelated factors for selfish reasons.
People with tunnel vision, may believe that they’re focused, while those people who live with truly focused people may consider them to have tunnel vision (so that they can ignore their advice). I’d like to discuss some differences between the two, in order to help people recognize the difference between them.
Most people with tunnel vision are sincere, but aren’t able to incorporate many “moving parts” at one time. Such people need to be gently reminded of any additional moving parts. These people aren’t the subjects of this article. This article focuses on those people who, consciously, or subconsciously, choose to have tunnel vision for personal gain.
1) I believe that many people with tunnel vision are self-absorbed. By choosing what they consider important, they’re able to choose which Mitzvohs to fulfill, which tasks to do, and even things as simple as which foods to eat. The Mitzvohs they choose, are chosen because they make them comfortable. They, disregard Mitzvohs that make them uncomfortable. While they may have a logical reason for choosing the foods that they eat, nevertheless, they eat them because they want to eat them.
For example, someone may decide that s/he can spend as much as s/he wants for Kovod Shabbos (respecting Shabbos), since our Chachomim tell us that money spent for Shabbos doesn’t “cost” people. This money is given to them in addition to whatever was allocated to them on the previous Rosh Hashono. However, these people do it with a subtle arrogance, as if they understand more than most what Kovod Shabbos is, and that they have more faith than others in the words of our Chachomim.
What makes this attitude tunnel vision, is that these people won’t, sufficiently, help their family prepare for Shabbos, or help cleanup afterwards. More importantly, they won’t be concerned about whether their decisions will make their spouse happy, or not, throughout Shabbos. They’ll insist that wine is an integral part of Oneg Shabbos, (enjoying the Shabbos), and they’ll drink on Shabbos, ignoring the fact that doing this will cause their spouse to be in a bad mood throughout Shabbos. They’re unable to see that their actions, which were done in the name of Kovod Shabbos, are not doing Kovod Shabbos.
While most people are inconsistent in other areas of their lives (e.g. respecting Davening but speaking Loshon Horo, etc.), these two Mitzvohs are unrelated. Inconsistency in unrelated areas is often due to a lack of perfection, but it’s not a lack of sincerity. Claiming to care about Shabbos, but only in an area in which the person takes pleasure, is an inconsistency which is dishonest, and isn’t the sign of a person who’s a “work in progress”.
2) Some people with tunnel vision ignore the many other relevant factors, as a means of manipulation. It’s difficult to argue with a person whose opinion is (so called) rooted in Torah, and our Chachomim. By picking, and choosing, on what to focus, they’re able to manipulate others to agree with whatever they want, since almost anything that they want can be (even if incorrectly), supported by some Gemoro, or something similar. This is particularly true, and insensitive, when husbands quote Torah to their wives, who have no way of knowing what is, and isn’t, genuine Daas Torah.
3) There are people who don’t intend to have tunnel vision, but overlook the intangible aspects within the decision process. I’ve found that many people have a difficult time noticing the intangibles on their own. For example, some people may want their house to be constantly clean. In concept, it’s difficult to argue with this. Nevertheless, keeping a house too clean when there are little children around, can cause significant stress to the parents and children. The children are always being instructed to be careful, and to put things away. They may not even notice their intangible stress.
When intangible components, such as stress, are pointed out to sincere people, they embrace them, and broaden their focus to include them in their decisions. Those who aren’t sincere, will downplay them, or demand that the people not be stressed, since they’re doing what’s right.
People who argue with the need to incorporate intangible factors, are usually those who are insincere, and agenda based. For example, someone who spends money in honor of Shabbos, but refuses to recognize that his/her spouse becomes nervous because of their lack of money, especially when the husband controls her allowance in other areas, and often complains about the lack of money. While it’s true that the Halacha of spending money for Shabbos isn’t concerned with her nervousness, the Halachas of Kovod Shabbos and Sholom Bayis are concerned with her feelings.
4) There’s another explanation for tunnel vision. Some people can’t believe that others won’t always agree with them. When something makes sense to them they truly believe that “it must be right”. Although most people who are certain about something, would like to believe that they can’t be wrong,” deep down”, they’re aware that they may be wrong.
When people try to decide whether they’re truly focused or have tunnel vision, they should self-reflect by considering the following: Whenever people try to improve their Midos (character), they should consider how other people will interpret their actions. If other people are constantly critical of them then, even if they’ve changed, they should assume that they haven’t changed enough. All they’ve done is to exchange one fault for another.
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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