Thoughts of a Disillusioned Jew Part One of Three, by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
This ongoing dialogue is between me and a friend who’s been “grappling with religion” over the last few years. He comes from a non-religious family, and became a Baal Teshuva. Over the years, he’s become increasingly disillusioned, with thoughts that are shared by many people, regardless of their background. I believe that readers will gain from “listening in” to our conversations.
I became observant through a kind Rabbi who demonstrated a good life with his wife and children, letting me into their home virtually every Friday night for nearly a year. It was a warm experience, and I wanted to explore religion, I worked very hard on my resentments and my fears. I changed my life style pretty dramatically, learned with a great Rabbi weekly for nearly 2.5 years. I experienced the disillusionment of the humanity of religion, people being in it and the contradictions involved.
As I have grown and explored my motivations and core beliefs I want to be honest, I have really never liked nor believed in religion. However, what I learned, experienced as an observant Jew changed my world-view for the better. The wisdom of Torah I can not deny, I know in my heart it is the right way to live. I am willing to learn again, to explore, knowing I am coming from a different place; I don't want my views to determine our children's view of Torah.
I am open to exploring with your guidance.
Warmly,
As always, it was nice to see you and your wonderful family. You should consider yourself blessed (even if life is difficult in other areas of your life). I’m sorry but, as I write this, I find myself thinking of one necessary introduction to our e-mails, than another, until I realize, my email is going to take a lot of pages before I can directly respond to the conversation we had during my visit. I hope you’re willing to come along for the “whole ride”. Let me know when you feel overwhelmed, and if that happens, we can slow down, take a break, or discontinue our conversations, but stay friends.
First, I want to point out that many people go through what you’re going through. There’s no difference in the experience of, for example, a 12 year old boy who sneaks behind the family shed and smokes his first cigarette, and a 12 year old who smokes something worse. While the latter may be placing himself into greater risk than the first, they’re both acting out of peer pressure, curiosity and, usually, a tinge of rebellion.
The differences between you and even the most right wing people that you know, are only in degrees. For both of you they’re the results of confusion, personal experiences, feeling suffocated and, of course, a little rebellion. While most people won’t admit to sharing your concerns, lack of motivation, or conflict, they’re the result of your youthful experiences, and/or having legitimate questions that you were never “allowed” to ask. You’re traveling a road that many people need to travel, but few are willing to travel. I’m, therefore, asking you to travel along this road with pride, and not with shame.
First, let’s “figure out” what is our mission, or goal, and then we’ll determine the rules for achieving it. Although our goal comes first, there’s one rule that’s required to help us achieve our goal.We have to be honest with ourselves, or we’ll never succeed, and/or wrongly conclude that there isn’t any value in living a Torah lifestyle. A lack of honesty will stall the process, and lead to a disappointing outcome.
Most people, including you, made believe that they truly believed whatever they were told to believe. They gravitated to the “right” answers, parroted them to others, and assumed that they believed them with all of their hearts. They ignored the fact that they often acted contrary to those beliefs, and that they never placed enough thought into whether, or not, they truly believed. As we search for real meaning in our lives, but continue along a path of superficial beliefs, we’ll have gained nothing, other than having another failure, “proving” that there’s no such thing as real meaning, and inherent truths, such as those advocated in the Torah.
Our goal is to find out what we really believe, and hope that our belief system will support a healthy lifestyle for you, your wife, and your children. You’ve been exploring the possibility that this lifestyle can be found in a true Torah lifestyle. (Based on your e-mail you have to decide whether that’s your mission, and if it’s not, what it should be.) Don’t mindlessly accept what I’m saying to you. Instead, consider, conclude, and then articulate it to yourself, and see how it sounds to you. Only then will you be able to move to the next step.
Here are some rules to help us achieve our goal, and to decrease your resistance to adopting a Torah lifestyle. If we don’t decrease your resistance, whatever we achieve won’t be sustainable, and you won’t become a part of a Torah lifestyle. Keep in mind that resistance is natural. Every step that we’ll take will offer clarity, but clarity will increase the realization of responsibility. Awareness of responsibility will increase resistance, because many things that people are asked to do make them uncomfortable, because people don’t like being told what to do.
Since there’s a risk that resistance will sabotage our goals, I’m suggesting that our first stages of progress should be taken in a “vacuum”, and be limited to an intellectual, and not a behavioral, voyage. When people are asked to make behavioral changes, the burden, frequently, makes it difficult for them to stay intellectually honest.
I’m also suggesting that we explore areas of the Torah that are simple, and not complex, and that are consistent with our personal natures. Many people want to feel like heroes, and deal with the issues that have frustrated them the most. Instead, let’s build slowly and, once the overall clarity of why we should live a Torah lifestyle has “sunk” in, we’ll confront our more difficult issues.
What do you suggest should be our starting point? I’d like to know if you have any thoughts about it. If not, I’ll suggest some more thoughts. For example, we can make our goal the shattering of some of the preconceived attitudes blocking us from giving religion, G-d, and the Torah, a fair chance.
Thanks for reading
I became observant through a kind Rabbi who demonstrated a good life with his wife and children, letting me into their home virtually every Friday night for nearly a year. It was a warm experience, and I wanted to explore religion, I worked very hard on my resentments and my fears. I changed my life style pretty dramatically, learned with a great Rabbi weekly for nearly 2.5 years. I experienced the disillusionment of the humanity of religion, people being in it and the contradictions involved.
As I have grown and explored my motivations and core beliefs I want to be honest, I have really never liked nor believed in religion. However, what I learned, experienced as an observant Jew changed my world-view for the better. The wisdom of Torah I can not deny, I know in my heart it is the right way to live. I am willing to learn again, to explore, knowing I am coming from a different place; I don't want my views to determine our children's view of Torah.
I am open to exploring with your guidance.
Warmly,
As always, it was nice to see you and your wonderful family. You should consider yourself blessed (even if life is difficult in other areas of your life). I’m sorry but, as I write this, I find myself thinking of one necessary introduction to our e-mails, than another, until I realize, my email is going to take a lot of pages before I can directly respond to the conversation we had during my visit. I hope you’re willing to come along for the “whole ride”. Let me know when you feel overwhelmed, and if that happens, we can slow down, take a break, or discontinue our conversations, but stay friends.
First, I want to point out that many people go through what you’re going through. There’s no difference in the experience of, for example, a 12 year old boy who sneaks behind the family shed and smokes his first cigarette, and a 12 year old who smokes something worse. While the latter may be placing himself into greater risk than the first, they’re both acting out of peer pressure, curiosity and, usually, a tinge of rebellion.
The differences between you and even the most right wing people that you know, are only in degrees. For both of you they’re the results of confusion, personal experiences, feeling suffocated and, of course, a little rebellion. While most people won’t admit to sharing your concerns, lack of motivation, or conflict, they’re the result of your youthful experiences, and/or having legitimate questions that you were never “allowed” to ask. You’re traveling a road that many people need to travel, but few are willing to travel. I’m, therefore, asking you to travel along this road with pride, and not with shame.
First, let’s “figure out” what is our mission, or goal, and then we’ll determine the rules for achieving it. Although our goal comes first, there’s one rule that’s required to help us achieve our goal.We have to be honest with ourselves, or we’ll never succeed, and/or wrongly conclude that there isn’t any value in living a Torah lifestyle. A lack of honesty will stall the process, and lead to a disappointing outcome.
Most people, including you, made believe that they truly believed whatever they were told to believe. They gravitated to the “right” answers, parroted them to others, and assumed that they believed them with all of their hearts. They ignored the fact that they often acted contrary to those beliefs, and that they never placed enough thought into whether, or not, they truly believed. As we search for real meaning in our lives, but continue along a path of superficial beliefs, we’ll have gained nothing, other than having another failure, “proving” that there’s no such thing as real meaning, and inherent truths, such as those advocated in the Torah.
Our goal is to find out what we really believe, and hope that our belief system will support a healthy lifestyle for you, your wife, and your children. You’ve been exploring the possibility that this lifestyle can be found in a true Torah lifestyle. (Based on your e-mail you have to decide whether that’s your mission, and if it’s not, what it should be.) Don’t mindlessly accept what I’m saying to you. Instead, consider, conclude, and then articulate it to yourself, and see how it sounds to you. Only then will you be able to move to the next step.
Here are some rules to help us achieve our goal, and to decrease your resistance to adopting a Torah lifestyle. If we don’t decrease your resistance, whatever we achieve won’t be sustainable, and you won’t become a part of a Torah lifestyle. Keep in mind that resistance is natural. Every step that we’ll take will offer clarity, but clarity will increase the realization of responsibility. Awareness of responsibility will increase resistance, because many things that people are asked to do make them uncomfortable, because people don’t like being told what to do.
Since there’s a risk that resistance will sabotage our goals, I’m suggesting that our first stages of progress should be taken in a “vacuum”, and be limited to an intellectual, and not a behavioral, voyage. When people are asked to make behavioral changes, the burden, frequently, makes it difficult for them to stay intellectually honest.
I’m also suggesting that we explore areas of the Torah that are simple, and not complex, and that are consistent with our personal natures. Many people want to feel like heroes, and deal with the issues that have frustrated them the most. Instead, let’s build slowly and, once the overall clarity of why we should live a Torah lifestyle has “sunk” in, we’ll confront our more difficult issues.
What do you suggest should be our starting point? I’d like to know if you have any thoughts about it. If not, I’ll suggest some more thoughts. For example, we can make our goal the shattering of some of the preconceived attitudes blocking us from giving religion, G-d, and the Torah, a fair chance.
Thanks for reading
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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