People's Attitude Towards MONEY Part 2 Of 2, by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
My recent article discussing money wasn’t intended to be a two part article. However, your response to it was greater than usual and, therefore, it warrants a follow up article. There was one recurring response which I’d like to address. One reader wrote:
I struggle with money issues, sometimes it’s really, really hard, other times it’s almost okay. I would be very interested in hearing more about it. Of course I realize that money is just a tool, but it can be very difficult sometimes to get enough of it to raise a large family.
Another reader wrote:
I really appreciate what you wrote. Here's the thing: Even if money is just a tool and we realize it, it isn’t a matter of thinking, "Oh - if I don't have the money, things will work out." No. They won't. If the electric bill is not paid, then the electricity will get cut off. It is not reasonable to hope otherwise because it never happens. Likewise, if payments are not made to yeshivos, children will get kicked out of school. There's no reason to think otherwise. If we go bankrupt and lose our home, then we will have to move out of the community. We have seen it happen before.
Responding to these points properly will require more space than is available in a weekly article. However, Areivim’s next pamphlet, which will I”YH be distributed before Pesach is titled: Learning to “See”, and discusses this question, amongst others, at length. Please look for it in Monsey Shuls and my weekly e-mail.
I believe that there are three questions that should be addressed when people are faced with insufficient incomes to support their families. They are:
1) Is it really bad to have financial challenges? This question may seem bizarre because, of course, it’s bad. Nevertheless, allow me to answer the question. When most Frum people speak in a vacuum they would agree that Hashem loves them, takes care of them, and makes calculated decisions for each individual, thereby ensuring that whatever happens is what’s best for them.
It’s easy to believe, internalize, and preach to ourselves, our children, and anyone willing to listen, that Hashem makes individual decisions based on what’s best for each individual. Nevertheless, it’s almost impossible to embrace that message as being true during a financial crisis. Although it may be very difficult, people should train themselves to live with the same values that they live with, when they aren’t personally affected.
What would it mean if people could live with the belief that their financial difficulties aren’t bad? People are always expected to do whatever they can in order to avoid financial difficulties. Nevertheless, despite this expectation, they should do it without thinking of the future. Whatever they’re doing now to support their families is what they’re supposed to be doing. Nevertheless, they must be aware that their responsibility to support their family doesn’t mean that financial hardships aren’t what’s best for them. This is known only to Hashem.They must become comfortable with the idea that everyone (they and Hashem) is doing what they’re supposed to do, and the result is exactly what’s supposed to happen.
If, after repeated attempts to achieve financial security, people fail, and begin to bounce checks, don’t follow through with their commitments, and don’t give their children what they need, they should accept their new reality just as they would accept an illness in the family. What would they do if there was, R”L, a terrible illness? They would repeat Hashem is kind, knows things that we don’t know, and knows what’s best for everyone. Interestingly, for many people, it’s easier to come to terms with life threatening illnesses, than with financial failure. That’s a thought everyone should think about.
There are multiple Medrashim that highlight that the greatest Nisyonos (tests) are those involving money. One of them (Parshas Ki Siso) describes how Iyov said that he could handle any test, except for walking into a store and not being able to buy needed items. Although our Chachomim acknowledge that the Nisyonos of financial burdens are more difficult than almost any other, it doesn’t make them different from the others; it just makes it more difficult to succeed in them. The same response, and the same thought process that people apply to illnesses should be applied to financial burdens.
(Due to the complexity, and related stress, of this topic, I’m asking readers to please contact me to discuss, or request, an early copy of the next pamphlet.)
2) Is it worthwhile to become stressed when faced with financial challenges? Many people believe that if they fail in any area of their lives, they should be expected to be stressed about their failures. While that may be understandable, emotionally, in this article I’m discussing what “should” take place. My hope is by explaining to people why they shouldn’t stress, even if the explanation won’t help them escape the stress, it can still ameliorate it.
A point mentioned in the previous article that’s worth repeating as many times as required, is that people have two options from which to choose: Would they prefer to have serious financial issues, or have serious financial issues, and stress about them, causing them all sorts of additional issues, and, possibly, the emotional health of their family? The answer is obvious (the first). Nevertheless, most people are unable to act consistently with what is obvious to them.
I’ve found that most people consider the resulting stress to be their individual, natural, and unavoidable, right. Since they believe this, they don’t try to combat the stress, by themselves, by seeing a professional, or by researching our Chachomim’s attitude towards income, and stress, and the proper way to react to it.
Some people become angry when I ask them to work on lessening their stress, and accuse me of telling them that their financial issues aren’t “so” bad or, worse, not true. What I’m really telling them is that they can control their reactions, and if they do, they’ll become happier or, at least, less unhappy.
3) Am I paying too much by stressing? The second point explained the foolishness of becoming stressed. What’s even worse is that stress increases the same problems that people are looking to solve. Becoming stressed will limit their ability to respond effectively. They won’t be in “top form” when they’re stressed. Becoming stressed as a result of a problem will limit their ability to “figure out” how to solve their financial problem. Becoming stressed will often cause other people who wanted to help them, to turn away, because they’re unwilling to deal with such angry, and short tempered, people.
I’d like to ask my loyal readers for a favor. As I indicated in the beginning, we’re working on another pamphlet, titled: Learning to “See”. We’re looking for full, or partial, sponsors, as a Zchus for helping Areivim circulate what we hope will positively change the lives of individuals and their families. Please contact me if you’re able to help. I’d also like to thank everyone for reading these articles. Your responses means a lot to me.
I struggle with money issues, sometimes it’s really, really hard, other times it’s almost okay. I would be very interested in hearing more about it. Of course I realize that money is just a tool, but it can be very difficult sometimes to get enough of it to raise a large family.
Another reader wrote:
I really appreciate what you wrote. Here's the thing: Even if money is just a tool and we realize it, it isn’t a matter of thinking, "Oh - if I don't have the money, things will work out." No. They won't. If the electric bill is not paid, then the electricity will get cut off. It is not reasonable to hope otherwise because it never happens. Likewise, if payments are not made to yeshivos, children will get kicked out of school. There's no reason to think otherwise. If we go bankrupt and lose our home, then we will have to move out of the community. We have seen it happen before.
Responding to these points properly will require more space than is available in a weekly article. However, Areivim’s next pamphlet, which will I”YH be distributed before Pesach is titled: Learning to “See”, and discusses this question, amongst others, at length. Please look for it in Monsey Shuls and my weekly e-mail.
I believe that there are three questions that should be addressed when people are faced with insufficient incomes to support their families. They are:
1) Is it really bad to have financial challenges? This question may seem bizarre because, of course, it’s bad. Nevertheless, allow me to answer the question. When most Frum people speak in a vacuum they would agree that Hashem loves them, takes care of them, and makes calculated decisions for each individual, thereby ensuring that whatever happens is what’s best for them.
It’s easy to believe, internalize, and preach to ourselves, our children, and anyone willing to listen, that Hashem makes individual decisions based on what’s best for each individual. Nevertheless, it’s almost impossible to embrace that message as being true during a financial crisis. Although it may be very difficult, people should train themselves to live with the same values that they live with, when they aren’t personally affected.
What would it mean if people could live with the belief that their financial difficulties aren’t bad? People are always expected to do whatever they can in order to avoid financial difficulties. Nevertheless, despite this expectation, they should do it without thinking of the future. Whatever they’re doing now to support their families is what they’re supposed to be doing. Nevertheless, they must be aware that their responsibility to support their family doesn’t mean that financial hardships aren’t what’s best for them. This is known only to Hashem.They must become comfortable with the idea that everyone (they and Hashem) is doing what they’re supposed to do, and the result is exactly what’s supposed to happen.
If, after repeated attempts to achieve financial security, people fail, and begin to bounce checks, don’t follow through with their commitments, and don’t give their children what they need, they should accept their new reality just as they would accept an illness in the family. What would they do if there was, R”L, a terrible illness? They would repeat Hashem is kind, knows things that we don’t know, and knows what’s best for everyone. Interestingly, for many people, it’s easier to come to terms with life threatening illnesses, than with financial failure. That’s a thought everyone should think about.
There are multiple Medrashim that highlight that the greatest Nisyonos (tests) are those involving money. One of them (Parshas Ki Siso) describes how Iyov said that he could handle any test, except for walking into a store and not being able to buy needed items. Although our Chachomim acknowledge that the Nisyonos of financial burdens are more difficult than almost any other, it doesn’t make them different from the others; it just makes it more difficult to succeed in them. The same response, and the same thought process that people apply to illnesses should be applied to financial burdens.
(Due to the complexity, and related stress, of this topic, I’m asking readers to please contact me to discuss, or request, an early copy of the next pamphlet.)
2) Is it worthwhile to become stressed when faced with financial challenges? Many people believe that if they fail in any area of their lives, they should be expected to be stressed about their failures. While that may be understandable, emotionally, in this article I’m discussing what “should” take place. My hope is by explaining to people why they shouldn’t stress, even if the explanation won’t help them escape the stress, it can still ameliorate it.
A point mentioned in the previous article that’s worth repeating as many times as required, is that people have two options from which to choose: Would they prefer to have serious financial issues, or have serious financial issues, and stress about them, causing them all sorts of additional issues, and, possibly, the emotional health of their family? The answer is obvious (the first). Nevertheless, most people are unable to act consistently with what is obvious to them.
I’ve found that most people consider the resulting stress to be their individual, natural, and unavoidable, right. Since they believe this, they don’t try to combat the stress, by themselves, by seeing a professional, or by researching our Chachomim’s attitude towards income, and stress, and the proper way to react to it.
Some people become angry when I ask them to work on lessening their stress, and accuse me of telling them that their financial issues aren’t “so” bad or, worse, not true. What I’m really telling them is that they can control their reactions, and if they do, they’ll become happier or, at least, less unhappy.
3) Am I paying too much by stressing? The second point explained the foolishness of becoming stressed. What’s even worse is that stress increases the same problems that people are looking to solve. Becoming stressed will limit their ability to respond effectively. They won’t be in “top form” when they’re stressed. Becoming stressed as a result of a problem will limit their ability to “figure out” how to solve their financial problem. Becoming stressed will often cause other people who wanted to help them, to turn away, because they’re unwilling to deal with such angry, and short tempered, people.
I’d like to ask my loyal readers for a favor. As I indicated in the beginning, we’re working on another pamphlet, titled: Learning to “See”. We’re looking for full, or partial, sponsors, as a Zchus for helping Areivim circulate what we hope will positively change the lives of individuals and their families. Please contact me if you’re able to help. I’d also like to thank everyone for reading these articles. Your responses means a lot to me.
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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comments, questions & responses from our readers
The content of these comments are strictly the opinion of our readers & do not necessarily reflect the views of Areivim.
"I struggle with money issues, sometimes it’s really, really hard, other times it’s almost okay. I would be very interested in hearing more about it. Of course I realize that money is just a tool, but it can be very difficult sometimes to get enough of it to raise a large family."
"I really appreciate what you wrote. Here's the thing: Even if money is just a tool and we realize it, it isn’t a matter of thinking, "Oh - if I don't have the money, things will work out." No. They won't. If the electric bill is not paid, then the electricity will get cut off. It is not reasonable to hope otherwise because it never happens. Likewise, if payments are not made to yeshivos, children will get kicked out of school. There's no reason to think otherwise. If we go bankrupt and lose our home, then we will have to move out of the community. We have seen it happen before."
"You article was so great that I read it aloud to my wife – the whole thing, and she agreed to it all."
"Here in monsey …
The luxuries being thrown in our face by the ads and the stores, only exacerbate the problem.
Houses with show-off doors and windows, only exacerbate the problem.
This is all part of the mix of jewish cultures, that we were not exposed to when we lived in and grew up in ghetto type neighborhoods.
We grew up in a classic jewish neighborhood where the rich and and poor all lived in simple apartment buildings, (the richer in a slightly more fancy building up the block)."
The luxuries being thrown in our face by the ads and the stores, only exacerbate the problem.
Houses with show-off doors and windows, only exacerbate the problem.
This is all part of the mix of jewish cultures, that we were not exposed to when we lived in and grew up in ghetto type neighborhoods.
We grew up in a classic jewish neighborhood where the rich and and poor all lived in simple apartment buildings, (the richer in a slightly more fancy building up the block)."
"Since we never grew up with exposure to such other fancy lifestyles, we never really were taught how to cope with it – the teachers never saw the need for that, and likely didn’t even understand the challenge, and likely may not have had the tools to give over to us..
It’s a challenge to the parents and a challenge to the kids.
Thank you,"
It’s a challenge to the parents and a challenge to the kids.
Thank you,"