Everyone Is A Leader, by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
I’ve always been interested in any Gemorro, Halacha, or Medrash, that discuss the responsibilities, or character traits, of Jewish kings. My interest stems from my belief that all people have their own little kingdoms, which grow, or shrink, based on their personal behavior. Although I’m hoping to change the reader’s behaviors, and attitudes, the first goal of this article is to help people appreciate this point. All people “lead” others, whether or not, they’re aware of it, and people should be mindful of this throughout the day.
Our Chachamim tell us that kings require self-discipline, and should act from deliberate thought, and not from emotion, desperation, or fear. They must also recognize that their power creates opportunities to help others, and that they shouldn’t be self-serving. Leaders must internalize their faith in Hashem more than other people.
I could’ve written the previous paragraph, and replaced the word leaders with the word parent, Rav, Rebbi, or advisor, and it would’ve been just as valid. However, I’d like to go one step further, take the previous paragraph, and apply it to everyone, even to those without any position of authority.
People begin their lives as rulers over a population of one, themselves. (Many young adults, from the age of 12 until marriage, may feel that their parents control their decisions. Nevertheless, their personal decisions, whether they wake up on time, do what they’re supposed to, and how pleasant they act to others, are their choices.) The “health” of their “kingdom” is based on their decisions, and actions, which’ll help others decide whether to join their kingdom.
People “join” kingdoms when they appreciate the ruler's’ personal characteristics. They’ll gravitate towards them, listen to their views and, in the most subtle of ways, begin to mimic their behaviors. When people appreciate them, and their decisions, their kingdom will expand from a population of one, to a population of two. People whose behavior is worthy of respect, may have an unofficial, but large, kingdom, because their neighbors, and Shul members, look for their opinions. They’ll set the tone for what others will consider normal, and what “everyone” will do.
It’s important to note that most people are unaware of the fact that they have any kingdom at all. They get the sense that they’re treated like “one of the guys”, and can’t imagine that they’re really respected. Nevertheless, everyone’s actions are noticed by others, and those actions can make a difference in the lives of the others. Those whose kingdoms grow as a result of their personal behavior, are the ones, people respect, and whose names often come to their minds. I’ve spoken to many people who are shocked that people look at them to define what the norm is but, once they’re told, they accept that additional burden upon themselves.
Some people are unaware, and may consider my suggestion that they see themselves as leaders, as unfair. They don’t believe that substandard personal characteristics should diminish their kingdom. They resent the fact that their spouse, and children, don’t respect them, and neither do those sitting next to them at work, or in Shul. Just as people can rule without titles, titles (“parent, older sibling”, etc.) don’t make people rulers. The reality is that children may not respect their parents, and spouses each other. People have to earn the right to be treated with respect, and titles don’t necessarily translate into being respected. I’ve found that people who lack character, often place more emphasis on title, than do people who actually have character. Parents may believe that, “s/he’s my child, and should respect me”; however, this doesn’t usually happen. People respect individual character, and not titles.
The word leader doesn’t refer only to people who are above average, those who are seen as natural leaders. The most subtle acts can make people leaders, even if they’re only to one other person. People who always say “please” have an effect on the way others speak. People who don’t speak loudly in Shul, or don’t speak during Davening, affect how others will act in Shul.People who always keep their word are leaders.
I speak to many groups of people, including those who consider themselves to be at-risk, in-crisis, or any other subculture. They also are expected to act as leaders. Their decision to not bully someone, to keep Shabbos in a small way, and the extent of their anger will affect others. Leadership is everyone’s responsibility, even those who don’t want to lead.
This message is important because everyone has an effect on others. Being made aware of this may place uncomfortable burdens on people. Some people will deny this responsibility in order to avoid having to “filter” their actions when they’re with others. Even people who’ll accept this message, may find it difficult to appreciate how the most subtle of actions are noticed by others.
Children of fathers who come early to Davening, continue do it even when they become grandparents. Fathers that don’t come on time, even for legitimate reasons, often have children who’ll come late when they become adults. Mothers who downplay the importance of Halacha on Shabbos, and Yom Tov, may leave a mark on their children for their entire lives, even if they follow the Halacha.
Some people believe that, although they’re doing what’s right, they still aren’t respected as much as they should be. They may be smart, and even helpful to others; nevertheless, they never seem to garnish respect. Even if they do many things right, not receiving respect is a sign that they’re still doing some things wrong. People should not believe (in order to protect their pride) that if others don’t like them, it must be the other's’ fault. Instead of lamenting, they should realize that a positive character is almost always recognized. Not being able to expand their kingdom is a sign that they lack personal character.
Our generation is led by true leaders, but there aren’t enough of them to have a direct impact on all people. To make up for this, everyone else must contribute a small amount. People can do this by remembering that whatever they’re doing will probably be noticed by at least one person, and “it” may make a lasting impression on him/her. Make sure it’s a positive impression.
Our Chachamim tell us that kings require self-discipline, and should act from deliberate thought, and not from emotion, desperation, or fear. They must also recognize that their power creates opportunities to help others, and that they shouldn’t be self-serving. Leaders must internalize their faith in Hashem more than other people.
I could’ve written the previous paragraph, and replaced the word leaders with the word parent, Rav, Rebbi, or advisor, and it would’ve been just as valid. However, I’d like to go one step further, take the previous paragraph, and apply it to everyone, even to those without any position of authority.
People begin their lives as rulers over a population of one, themselves. (Many young adults, from the age of 12 until marriage, may feel that their parents control their decisions. Nevertheless, their personal decisions, whether they wake up on time, do what they’re supposed to, and how pleasant they act to others, are their choices.) The “health” of their “kingdom” is based on their decisions, and actions, which’ll help others decide whether to join their kingdom.
People “join” kingdoms when they appreciate the ruler's’ personal characteristics. They’ll gravitate towards them, listen to their views and, in the most subtle of ways, begin to mimic their behaviors. When people appreciate them, and their decisions, their kingdom will expand from a population of one, to a population of two. People whose behavior is worthy of respect, may have an unofficial, but large, kingdom, because their neighbors, and Shul members, look for their opinions. They’ll set the tone for what others will consider normal, and what “everyone” will do.
It’s important to note that most people are unaware of the fact that they have any kingdom at all. They get the sense that they’re treated like “one of the guys”, and can’t imagine that they’re really respected. Nevertheless, everyone’s actions are noticed by others, and those actions can make a difference in the lives of the others. Those whose kingdoms grow as a result of their personal behavior, are the ones, people respect, and whose names often come to their minds. I’ve spoken to many people who are shocked that people look at them to define what the norm is but, once they’re told, they accept that additional burden upon themselves.
Some people are unaware, and may consider my suggestion that they see themselves as leaders, as unfair. They don’t believe that substandard personal characteristics should diminish their kingdom. They resent the fact that their spouse, and children, don’t respect them, and neither do those sitting next to them at work, or in Shul. Just as people can rule without titles, titles (“parent, older sibling”, etc.) don’t make people rulers. The reality is that children may not respect their parents, and spouses each other. People have to earn the right to be treated with respect, and titles don’t necessarily translate into being respected. I’ve found that people who lack character, often place more emphasis on title, than do people who actually have character. Parents may believe that, “s/he’s my child, and should respect me”; however, this doesn’t usually happen. People respect individual character, and not titles.
The word leader doesn’t refer only to people who are above average, those who are seen as natural leaders. The most subtle acts can make people leaders, even if they’re only to one other person. People who always say “please” have an effect on the way others speak. People who don’t speak loudly in Shul, or don’t speak during Davening, affect how others will act in Shul.People who always keep their word are leaders.
I speak to many groups of people, including those who consider themselves to be at-risk, in-crisis, or any other subculture. They also are expected to act as leaders. Their decision to not bully someone, to keep Shabbos in a small way, and the extent of their anger will affect others. Leadership is everyone’s responsibility, even those who don’t want to lead.
This message is important because everyone has an effect on others. Being made aware of this may place uncomfortable burdens on people. Some people will deny this responsibility in order to avoid having to “filter” their actions when they’re with others. Even people who’ll accept this message, may find it difficult to appreciate how the most subtle of actions are noticed by others.
Children of fathers who come early to Davening, continue do it even when they become grandparents. Fathers that don’t come on time, even for legitimate reasons, often have children who’ll come late when they become adults. Mothers who downplay the importance of Halacha on Shabbos, and Yom Tov, may leave a mark on their children for their entire lives, even if they follow the Halacha.
Some people believe that, although they’re doing what’s right, they still aren’t respected as much as they should be. They may be smart, and even helpful to others; nevertheless, they never seem to garnish respect. Even if they do many things right, not receiving respect is a sign that they’re still doing some things wrong. People should not believe (in order to protect their pride) that if others don’t like them, it must be the other's’ fault. Instead of lamenting, they should realize that a positive character is almost always recognized. Not being able to expand their kingdom is a sign that they lack personal character.
Our generation is led by true leaders, but there aren’t enough of them to have a direct impact on all people. To make up for this, everyone else must contribute a small amount. People can do this by remembering that whatever they’re doing will probably be noticed by at least one person, and “it” may make a lasting impression on him/her. Make sure it’s a positive impression.
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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