Can One Get Too Excited About Doing A Mitzvah?, by Rabbi shmuel gluck:
People frequently do things wrong, with the same energy, and fervor, of people who perform Mitzvahs. They do it because they believe that what they’re doing is what they’re supposed to do, and is the Ratzon of Hashem. I’ve seen this happen often enough so that, I believe, it deserves attention. It’s in every person’s nature, in varying degrees.
Recently, I’ve seen two, unrelated, individuals, whose parents had died, and who were committed, to the point of obsession, to Daven at the Amud, every day. As a result of this commitment, they overlooked the Halachos that decide who has precedence to “get” the Amud.
In both cases, the person who took the Amud each day, manipulated, and actually bullied, another man who, according to Halacha, had the right to the Amud. The “bully” seemed to have such a strong desire to do what he thought was right, that he became unconcerned with right and wrong. He focused on the act of Davening at the Amud.
In one case, one of the individuals wanted to Daven on his father’s Yartzeit, which “overrides” someone whose parent died within the year. When he asked for the Amud, the response was: 1) “You should have told me yesterday so that I could have Davened somewhere else”, and 2) “My parents have only one son.” Both of those reasons were “created” by that person, and neither of these reasons validates rejecting a man who has Yartzeit. However, in his strong desire to Daven, he “willed” his reasoning to override the Halacha.
What happened was that the person who davened every day, acted with the behavior of a child whose parent had died, and thought that what was required was a behavior which didn’t have to have a meaningful action, but that’s what’s needed to make a Zchus for the Neshama. When that happens, there’s often no meaning, and no, or little, reward from Hashem for the behavior.
When I spoke to the man who had Yartzeit, and wasn’t allowed to Daven at the Amud, I explained to him that he should see the event in the following manner: Although the other person Davened at the Amud, his parent may not have received the Zchus for that Tefilla. Instead, it was he, the one who didn’t Daven, the one who chose not to do the Mitzvah, in order to avoid an argument, who receives the Zechus.
Since this type of mistake is so common I’d like to offer several other examples:
I’ve seen people who insisted on doing Mitzvos that make them feel holy, such as going to the Mikvah every day, for the “extra credit”. However, this may interfere with their daily responsibilities, such as Davening at the right time, or taking care of their children when their wives are overwhelmed. Mitzvahs that make people feel holy are everywhere, and are, generally, given more importance than other Mitzvos, which may be more mundane, but are actually a greater responsibility. When I speak to these people, they tell me that they must do Mitzvos which will make them feel more holy.They almost say that they have a Yetzer HoRa to do a Mitzvah, but can’t bring themselves to verbalize what they’re afraid to acknowledge.
At various stages in my life I’ve had similar challenges. I had to acknowledge that a Mitzvah that I was planning on doing, and was accustomed to doing for so many years, wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing anymore. In my new stage in life, what I was accustomed to doing wasn’t a Mitzvah, and wasn’t, at the time, the Ratzon of Hashem. There are other examples of Mitzvos which, at various stages in their lives, people used to do, but shouldn’t do at their present stages. Below are two of them:
1) Although many fathers find it very difficult to Daven at a Minyan in which they can’t concentrate, nevertheless, they should switch to such a Minyan if it’ll be better for their young children. When I suggest this, many fathers respond that they can’t believe that I’m asking them to “give up” on their personal Tefilla experiences. Some people feel holy when they do certain Mitzvahs, and Tefilla, more than most other Mitzvahs, intends to do this. However, quantifying Mitzvahs based on the “feel holy” system, isn’t an accurate means to measure which Mitzvah is, at this time, the Ratzon of Hashem.
2) There are very sincere people who’ve been told not to fast on Yom Kippur. Should they “bend” and do what they’ve been told to do by a competent Posek, or should they “hold firm” and fast, which is what every good Torah Jew does? Imagine being told not to fast on Yom Kippur? What would you do? If you ate, would you feel “dirty” for eating, or would you be able to realize that you did exactly what, at this stage in your life, you were supposed to do.
I often say that, “I think people place too much emphasis on doing Mitzvahs” and, then I quickly explain that the goal of every Jew isn’t to do Mitzvahs. It’s to fulfill the Ratzon of Hashem. Whatever Hashem asks people to do in any specific circumstance, is the Ratzon of Hashem. Not every Mitzvah is supposed to be done at “that” moment, and it may actually, be an Aveiro, at that moment.
When people consider whether a mitzvah is, at that moment, the Ratzon of Hashem, they should consider whether they’re doing an act which is selfishly selfless, and not being done for Hashem, but for personal gain, of which you may not even be aware. Doing any Mitzvah may be a selfless act, but even selfless acts can be done for selfish reasons. Such acts may breed resentment, since the people who are doing the Mitzvos will consider themselves to be selfless, and can’t believe that others don’t see them as such (unless, of course, they’re jealous). However, those who’ve observed the act, see a selfish act taking place.
It’s exceedingly difficult for people to serve Hashem by doing acts which make them feel less Frum, and not happy, about what they’re doing. Which girls want to help their parents before Shabbos, when they could be doing Chesed for another family (even if this is only the result of their mistaken perceptions) and, you guessed it, help them prepare for Shabbos? Which boys want to babysit their younger siblings, when they could be learning with Chavrusos?
In addition to any personal challenges, a mistaken obsession to do Mitzvahs, can also negatively affect others and, most importantly, children who are just forming their views about adults, Rabbeim, and Torah. They’ll be quick to notice people who are supposed to be role models, but act in a self-serving attitude towards Hashem. Self-serving is any behavior which is guided by personal gain, even if it’s a positive act. Once people do Mitzvahs based on what makes them feel good, they’ll “step” over other Mitzvahs, people and, sadly, Hashem.
Recently, I’ve seen two, unrelated, individuals, whose parents had died, and who were committed, to the point of obsession, to Daven at the Amud, every day. As a result of this commitment, they overlooked the Halachos that decide who has precedence to “get” the Amud.
In both cases, the person who took the Amud each day, manipulated, and actually bullied, another man who, according to Halacha, had the right to the Amud. The “bully” seemed to have such a strong desire to do what he thought was right, that he became unconcerned with right and wrong. He focused on the act of Davening at the Amud.
In one case, one of the individuals wanted to Daven on his father’s Yartzeit, which “overrides” someone whose parent died within the year. When he asked for the Amud, the response was: 1) “You should have told me yesterday so that I could have Davened somewhere else”, and 2) “My parents have only one son.” Both of those reasons were “created” by that person, and neither of these reasons validates rejecting a man who has Yartzeit. However, in his strong desire to Daven, he “willed” his reasoning to override the Halacha.
What happened was that the person who davened every day, acted with the behavior of a child whose parent had died, and thought that what was required was a behavior which didn’t have to have a meaningful action, but that’s what’s needed to make a Zchus for the Neshama. When that happens, there’s often no meaning, and no, or little, reward from Hashem for the behavior.
When I spoke to the man who had Yartzeit, and wasn’t allowed to Daven at the Amud, I explained to him that he should see the event in the following manner: Although the other person Davened at the Amud, his parent may not have received the Zchus for that Tefilla. Instead, it was he, the one who didn’t Daven, the one who chose not to do the Mitzvah, in order to avoid an argument, who receives the Zechus.
Since this type of mistake is so common I’d like to offer several other examples:
I’ve seen people who insisted on doing Mitzvos that make them feel holy, such as going to the Mikvah every day, for the “extra credit”. However, this may interfere with their daily responsibilities, such as Davening at the right time, or taking care of their children when their wives are overwhelmed. Mitzvahs that make people feel holy are everywhere, and are, generally, given more importance than other Mitzvos, which may be more mundane, but are actually a greater responsibility. When I speak to these people, they tell me that they must do Mitzvos which will make them feel more holy.They almost say that they have a Yetzer HoRa to do a Mitzvah, but can’t bring themselves to verbalize what they’re afraid to acknowledge.
At various stages in my life I’ve had similar challenges. I had to acknowledge that a Mitzvah that I was planning on doing, and was accustomed to doing for so many years, wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing anymore. In my new stage in life, what I was accustomed to doing wasn’t a Mitzvah, and wasn’t, at the time, the Ratzon of Hashem. There are other examples of Mitzvos which, at various stages in their lives, people used to do, but shouldn’t do at their present stages. Below are two of them:
1) Although many fathers find it very difficult to Daven at a Minyan in which they can’t concentrate, nevertheless, they should switch to such a Minyan if it’ll be better for their young children. When I suggest this, many fathers respond that they can’t believe that I’m asking them to “give up” on their personal Tefilla experiences. Some people feel holy when they do certain Mitzvahs, and Tefilla, more than most other Mitzvahs, intends to do this. However, quantifying Mitzvahs based on the “feel holy” system, isn’t an accurate means to measure which Mitzvah is, at this time, the Ratzon of Hashem.
2) There are very sincere people who’ve been told not to fast on Yom Kippur. Should they “bend” and do what they’ve been told to do by a competent Posek, or should they “hold firm” and fast, which is what every good Torah Jew does? Imagine being told not to fast on Yom Kippur? What would you do? If you ate, would you feel “dirty” for eating, or would you be able to realize that you did exactly what, at this stage in your life, you were supposed to do.
I often say that, “I think people place too much emphasis on doing Mitzvahs” and, then I quickly explain that the goal of every Jew isn’t to do Mitzvahs. It’s to fulfill the Ratzon of Hashem. Whatever Hashem asks people to do in any specific circumstance, is the Ratzon of Hashem. Not every Mitzvah is supposed to be done at “that” moment, and it may actually, be an Aveiro, at that moment.
When people consider whether a mitzvah is, at that moment, the Ratzon of Hashem, they should consider whether they’re doing an act which is selfishly selfless, and not being done for Hashem, but for personal gain, of which you may not even be aware. Doing any Mitzvah may be a selfless act, but even selfless acts can be done for selfish reasons. Such acts may breed resentment, since the people who are doing the Mitzvos will consider themselves to be selfless, and can’t believe that others don’t see them as such (unless, of course, they’re jealous). However, those who’ve observed the act, see a selfish act taking place.
It’s exceedingly difficult for people to serve Hashem by doing acts which make them feel less Frum, and not happy, about what they’re doing. Which girls want to help their parents before Shabbos, when they could be doing Chesed for another family (even if this is only the result of their mistaken perceptions) and, you guessed it, help them prepare for Shabbos? Which boys want to babysit their younger siblings, when they could be learning with Chavrusos?
In addition to any personal challenges, a mistaken obsession to do Mitzvahs, can also negatively affect others and, most importantly, children who are just forming their views about adults, Rabbeim, and Torah. They’ll be quick to notice people who are supposed to be role models, but act in a self-serving attitude towards Hashem. Self-serving is any behavior which is guided by personal gain, even if it’s a positive act. Once people do Mitzvahs based on what makes them feel good, they’ll “step” over other Mitzvahs, people and, sadly, Hashem.
The author can be contacted at shmuelgluck@areivim.com
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