A Yom Kippur Message.
Why Do I Think “Petty”?
I’ve always found it fascinating to observe the parts of any incident on which people
choose to focus, and which they consider to be important. People are usually defined
by what they consider to be important, and it’s fascinating to see how some people
would like themselves to be defined. Here are a few examples:
When some people interact with others, they’re not concerned with doing what’s right,
but are only concerned with not being seen as having done something wrong. Other
people want to be seen as being in the center of whatever’s happening, even if they
only had a minor role. Still others only want to be liked. Each of these people, in their
own way, are demonstrating arrogance, and/or a lack of self-esteem.
Other people will look at an incident, see only the short term picture, and are unable to
focus on what really matters. I’ve seen a teenage boy total his parents’ car, and his only
concern was how he was going to be able to meet his friend that evening. That boy
demonstrated extreme narcissistic behavior. I’ve spoken to parents whose children
were involved in an incident which can negatively affect the parents for the rest of their
lives, and the parents were able to focus only on the money aspect of the incident.
Some people aren’t able to realize what’s “really” at stake, because of their focus on
money. Other people are aware of what’s really important, but still aren’t able to “pull”
themselves away from their focus on what’s most important to them, their money.
Anyone who’s focusing on anything other than what’s truly important is thinking
“petty”. When people think petty, they compromise their potential for success. They
won’t take advantage of opportunities, or protect themselves from possible
catastrophes. Most people would agree with what I just said. Most people will agree that
others think petty, and are able to cite many examples. Most people strongly believe
that what they’ve chosen to focus on isn’t petty. This is an example of circular
reasoning, where people think they’re right only because they’re certain that they’re
right.
However, having confidence in their opinions isn’t “proof” enough that they’re correct,
and that their priority isn’t petty. They may still be thinking petty. It would require people
who don’t think petty, to confirm, either verbally, or by seeing that they’re treated with
respect by those who understand what their priorities should be, or by observing how
our Chachomim “see” events, to confirm that they’re not thinking petty.
For example, there are multiple ways that people can perceive their car accident. They
can focus on: 1) Their lack of transportation in the coming days; 2) The financial cost; 3)
The inconvenience of having to fix or replace the car, or 4) How their spouse will react
to their involvement in an accident. All four of these choices are, in various degrees,
petty. They all focus on personal inconvenience.
Instead, people can focus on: 1) Their need to act less impulsively; 2) Planning their
schedule better, so that they don’t have to rush; or 3) Placing more emphasis in
understanding how other people, particularly strangers, may act. This second group of
reactions focuses on personal growth, and learning from experiences. This is
definitely less petty than the ones in the previous paragraph.
There’s a third group of reactions that people have to the events that take place during
their lives: 1) Is this a punishment (whether for being impulsive, or for an unrelated
action); 2) Is it a Nisoyon; or 3) Is it intended to make people pause, and reflect, in a fast
paced world? This third group will make the second group appear petty. It “attaches” the
events of people’s lives to their relationship with Hashem. It gives meaning to everything
that takes place in their lives, even those events that seem random.
The multiple possible “layers” of reactions to the events that take place in people’s lives
are fascinating. People may believe that their thoughts aren’t petty because of the way
their circle of friends think. In truth, they’re still thinking petty, even if it’s less than their
friends. Actions, and the reactions to them, can always be less petty than their
previous ones. People who think less petty than they did previously, are showing
signs of personal growth.
Some people may consider what I call petty to be a simple, less complex, life, and
therefore, more enjoyable. Other people may only be capable of thinking petty and,
therefore, they shouldn’t be criticized for thinking that way.
My experiences have shown that most people “choose” to think petty, even if
only subconsciously. Internally, they’re aware that there’s an entire world which
requires, and deserves, more important, and less petty, reactions, than they’re having,
and are willing to acknowledge. Their lives are similar to those people who earn $12 an
hour, even though they’re aware that they’re capable of earning $50 an hour. Many
people who are capable of thinking at a higher level (such as those capable of earning
$50 an hour), push their potential to the side, and think like a menial worker. Despite
thinking that they’re happy with living a simple life, their capabilities won’t allow them to
be satisfied with life at that lower level of thought.
There are many ways to think about Yom Kippur. People can act selflessly selfish. That
means that their thoughts, and behaviors, which appear to be selfless, are nothing more
than acts done with selfish motives.
People can focus on being inconvenienced when preparing food, having to take care of
their children, and a long Davening. Some people can even think pettier by focusing
their entire Davening on the person sitting next to them, who Davens too loud. Even
when they Daven, they may only focus on how they appear to others, and whether
they’ll be chosen for an honor during the Tefilla.
It’s worthwhile to mention that very few people are capable of totally “escaping” the
worry of what others will think of them. Therefore, people should strive to minimize
their petty thoughts, and have them represent only a small percentage of their thoughts.
Other people can direct the majority of their focus so that it’s consistent with the intent of
Yom Kippur. Davening for a good year, of health, income, and overall blessing, is
certainly better than the thoughts described previously, but it also limits its focus.
There are also those few people who are able to focus on Yom Kippur as they should.
They should Daven for others, who are outside of their little “circle”. They should Daven
for the entire Klal Yisroel, other people and communities, that they’ve never met. They
should Daven for the health of others, their successes, and that there should be
Sholom, between people and nations. Of course they should Daven for their own
well-being, but that should be incidental, and a means to achieve an end.
Davening for others demonstrates the trait of Chesed, and Tzedaka, something they’re
asking Hashem to do for them at that same time.
However, people should do more than just Daven for people’s health, and livelihood.
People should also Daven for their spiritual growth. They should care about their
life goals as much as they care about their own. They should Daven for those who
they know, and usually blame for their own misfortunes, and those of others. Just
for today, they should stop blaming other people, and Daven for them. While it’s
sad to say, people should stop blaming Hashem, even if it’s only for one day, and just
Daven to Him.
People should be careful to Daven at the highest level. Davening for “lollypops” won’t
pay the rent. Davening for the rent may not give people a healthy year. Davening for a
healthy year may not allow them to receive the spiritual growth that they really want.
People should be careful not to limit their Davening for what they want
(lollypops), and don’t need, and not for what they need, (rent, health, and spiritual
growth), even if they may not want it. Think “high”, Daven high, share with others
what’s important for them, and others, and make a Kiddush Hashem, by doing what
Hashem wants them to do.
How do people make a Kiddush Hashem when they Daven? People should think as
high as they possibly can, such as Davening for the end of the Golus, the return of the
Shechina to Eretz Yisroel, and the end of Hashem’s suffering, Think high and partner
with the few people in our generation who understand the value of Tefilla. Your year will
be blessed beyond what you can imagine.
choose to focus, and which they consider to be important. People are usually defined
by what they consider to be important, and it’s fascinating to see how some people
would like themselves to be defined. Here are a few examples:
When some people interact with others, they’re not concerned with doing what’s right,
but are only concerned with not being seen as having done something wrong. Other
people want to be seen as being in the center of whatever’s happening, even if they
only had a minor role. Still others only want to be liked. Each of these people, in their
own way, are demonstrating arrogance, and/or a lack of self-esteem.
Other people will look at an incident, see only the short term picture, and are unable to
focus on what really matters. I’ve seen a teenage boy total his parents’ car, and his only
concern was how he was going to be able to meet his friend that evening. That boy
demonstrated extreme narcissistic behavior. I’ve spoken to parents whose children
were involved in an incident which can negatively affect the parents for the rest of their
lives, and the parents were able to focus only on the money aspect of the incident.
Some people aren’t able to realize what’s “really” at stake, because of their focus on
money. Other people are aware of what’s really important, but still aren’t able to “pull”
themselves away from their focus on what’s most important to them, their money.
Anyone who’s focusing on anything other than what’s truly important is thinking
“petty”. When people think petty, they compromise their potential for success. They
won’t take advantage of opportunities, or protect themselves from possible
catastrophes. Most people would agree with what I just said. Most people will agree that
others think petty, and are able to cite many examples. Most people strongly believe
that what they’ve chosen to focus on isn’t petty. This is an example of circular
reasoning, where people think they’re right only because they’re certain that they’re
right.
However, having confidence in their opinions isn’t “proof” enough that they’re correct,
and that their priority isn’t petty. They may still be thinking petty. It would require people
who don’t think petty, to confirm, either verbally, or by seeing that they’re treated with
respect by those who understand what their priorities should be, or by observing how
our Chachomim “see” events, to confirm that they’re not thinking petty.
For example, there are multiple ways that people can perceive their car accident. They
can focus on: 1) Their lack of transportation in the coming days; 2) The financial cost; 3)
The inconvenience of having to fix or replace the car, or 4) How their spouse will react
to their involvement in an accident. All four of these choices are, in various degrees,
petty. They all focus on personal inconvenience.
Instead, people can focus on: 1) Their need to act less impulsively; 2) Planning their
schedule better, so that they don’t have to rush; or 3) Placing more emphasis in
understanding how other people, particularly strangers, may act. This second group of
reactions focuses on personal growth, and learning from experiences. This is
definitely less petty than the ones in the previous paragraph.
There’s a third group of reactions that people have to the events that take place during
their lives: 1) Is this a punishment (whether for being impulsive, or for an unrelated
action); 2) Is it a Nisoyon; or 3) Is it intended to make people pause, and reflect, in a fast
paced world? This third group will make the second group appear petty. It “attaches” the
events of people’s lives to their relationship with Hashem. It gives meaning to everything
that takes place in their lives, even those events that seem random.
The multiple possible “layers” of reactions to the events that take place in people’s lives
are fascinating. People may believe that their thoughts aren’t petty because of the way
their circle of friends think. In truth, they’re still thinking petty, even if it’s less than their
friends. Actions, and the reactions to them, can always be less petty than their
previous ones. People who think less petty than they did previously, are showing
signs of personal growth.
Some people may consider what I call petty to be a simple, less complex, life, and
therefore, more enjoyable. Other people may only be capable of thinking petty and,
therefore, they shouldn’t be criticized for thinking that way.
My experiences have shown that most people “choose” to think petty, even if
only subconsciously. Internally, they’re aware that there’s an entire world which
requires, and deserves, more important, and less petty, reactions, than they’re having,
and are willing to acknowledge. Their lives are similar to those people who earn $12 an
hour, even though they’re aware that they’re capable of earning $50 an hour. Many
people who are capable of thinking at a higher level (such as those capable of earning
$50 an hour), push their potential to the side, and think like a menial worker. Despite
thinking that they’re happy with living a simple life, their capabilities won’t allow them to
be satisfied with life at that lower level of thought.
There are many ways to think about Yom Kippur. People can act selflessly selfish. That
means that their thoughts, and behaviors, which appear to be selfless, are nothing more
than acts done with selfish motives.
People can focus on being inconvenienced when preparing food, having to take care of
their children, and a long Davening. Some people can even think pettier by focusing
their entire Davening on the person sitting next to them, who Davens too loud. Even
when they Daven, they may only focus on how they appear to others, and whether
they’ll be chosen for an honor during the Tefilla.
It’s worthwhile to mention that very few people are capable of totally “escaping” the
worry of what others will think of them. Therefore, people should strive to minimize
their petty thoughts, and have them represent only a small percentage of their thoughts.
Other people can direct the majority of their focus so that it’s consistent with the intent of
Yom Kippur. Davening for a good year, of health, income, and overall blessing, is
certainly better than the thoughts described previously, but it also limits its focus.
There are also those few people who are able to focus on Yom Kippur as they should.
They should Daven for others, who are outside of their little “circle”. They should Daven
for the entire Klal Yisroel, other people and communities, that they’ve never met. They
should Daven for the health of others, their successes, and that there should be
Sholom, between people and nations. Of course they should Daven for their own
well-being, but that should be incidental, and a means to achieve an end.
Davening for others demonstrates the trait of Chesed, and Tzedaka, something they’re
asking Hashem to do for them at that same time.
However, people should do more than just Daven for people’s health, and livelihood.
People should also Daven for their spiritual growth. They should care about their
life goals as much as they care about their own. They should Daven for those who
they know, and usually blame for their own misfortunes, and those of others. Just
for today, they should stop blaming other people, and Daven for them. While it’s
sad to say, people should stop blaming Hashem, even if it’s only for one day, and just
Daven to Him.
People should be careful to Daven at the highest level. Davening for “lollypops” won’t
pay the rent. Davening for the rent may not give people a healthy year. Davening for a
healthy year may not allow them to receive the spiritual growth that they really want.
People should be careful not to limit their Davening for what they want
(lollypops), and don’t need, and not for what they need, (rent, health, and spiritual
growth), even if they may not want it. Think “high”, Daven high, share with others
what’s important for them, and others, and make a Kiddush Hashem, by doing what
Hashem wants them to do.
How do people make a Kiddush Hashem when they Daven? People should think as
high as they possibly can, such as Davening for the end of the Golus, the return of the
Shechina to Eretz Yisroel, and the end of Hashem’s suffering, Think high and partner
with the few people in our generation who understand the value of Tefilla. Your year will
be blessed beyond what you can imagine.
